The WTF Drawer
Does your fridge have a "WTF Drawer" in the bottom of it? Some people refer to the WTF Drawer as a "crisper" but, in my view, that's an incredible misnomer since there are rarely things in the crisper which are crisp. This morning, while sorting through the fridge, rearranging things to make it easier to pack in preparation for a trip to the cottage, I found myself venturing into the WTF Drawer.
"WTF?" I blurted out. The dog scurried away when she heard the short superlative. There were mysteries hidden within the WTF Drawer. Mysteries both in content and of unknown origin. I couldn't help but imagine how archeologists might have felt unearthing strange and curious treasures that had remained dormant for an inordinant amount of time.
There was what I believed to be a small bag of potatoes. I say I believed to be because the contents did not look like potatoes. Well, perhaps mashed potatoes, with the skin still on. But not your normal potato. More like a very thick pea soup made from abnormally large peas. There were also a few carrots in a bag. I know they were, at one time, carrots because they were orange and in a bag labelled CARROTS. They could have easily passed for carrots made by Gerber.
My favourite, however, was what I believed to be a cucumber. I don't eat cucumbers so it must have been something Nancy bought, leaving a vegetal deposit at some point in history. Perhaps an English cucumber, it was hard to be certain. It looked more like something that you'd find on the floor of an abatoire. Perhaps a long section of cow entrail. Or peerhaps something a severed leg muscle, torn from the limb in some horrid accident.
All I know is that it was soft and gooshy. And "gooshy" is the perfect descriptor because that's the sound it made when I tipped the WTF Drawer on its side and it slithered out, like a large eel, sliding into the garbage pail with a thud.
There was remarkably no smell in the WFT Drawer. And nothing in there had a pulse either. The WTF Drawer is now empty, clean and awaiting further deposits by my loving Nancy, who sometimes negletcs the WTF Drawer, knowing that its contents can be managed when a Jeffie Tornado whirls through the fridge....
Submitted by Jeff Dubois, 30 June 2016